holy girl crush on Lindy West...she's a girl right?

Read this holyridiculous article !!!!


a few excerpts:

People Who Care About "Tweet" Being the Verb Form of "Twitter" and Have Opinions About Its Usage

This includes people who think you should say "tweet" when you talk about the activity associated with Twitter and people who think you should just use the word "Twitter." These opinions are equally uninteresting. If you must use the Twitter, or not use the Twitter, just do it (or don't). Let's not bring grammar and logic and giving a shit into this.

People Who Claim to Be Afraid of Clowns

These people (and they are numerous) are attempting to cultivate a cute quirk, but they are really just aping a cute quirk cultivated by thousands of cute-quirk-cultivators before them in a giant, gross, boring feedback loop. Yes, clowns can be mildly creepy. But come on. Among the many things that are scarier than clowns: fire, earthquakes, a guy with a knife, riding the bus, colon cancer, falling down the stairs (it could happen at any time!), rapists, people who just kind of look a little rapey and are standing too close to you in line at 7-Eleven, Marlo from The Wire, influenza, and scissors.

People Who Will Just Have a Bite of Whatever You're Having

Please, please, please just order your own lasagna.

People Who Smile at You on the Street

It's always nice when any noncreepy stranger smiles at you. There is not enough interstranger smiling going on these days. I also appreciate it when people working in customer service behave in a genuinely nice manner. Thank you. Please enjoy this large tip for your wonderful smile.

People Who Believe in Sasquatch

What's that? You couldn't afford your bunion surgery because you spent all your money on Sasquatch detectors? And now your bunion hurts? Bummer. A few years ago, a friend of mine told me that he'd discovered the secret to finding Sasquatch (he's a believer because once, in an Idaho forest, he "heard things" that he "couldn't explain") and called some cryptozoological society to announce his epiphany: "Just find out what it eats, and then go to where that is." He and I, we are not friends anymore.

Wizards

Assholes with beards who do magic. In modern times, wizards look just like normal people, because they've learned to wear tracksuits and tuxedos over their robes. This means that wizards could be anywhere. Can you trust the people you work with not to be wizards?

Russians

Citizens of Russia. The sworn enemies of wizards.

Russian Wizards

Don't be ridiculous.

People Who Don't Know How to Navigate a Four-Way Stop or an Uncontrolled Intersection

Can a lady get a wave, please? Just a courtesy wave. That's all I ask. These people are under the impression that rules do not apply to them. They do not have to wait their turn because they are special. They are probably the worst people on this entire list, and that includes wizards.

People Who Are Bill Paxton

I really enjoyed your work in Twister.