To GO GIRL or not to GO GIRL... That is the question

Welcome to our Go Girl Ad Campaign

*disclaimer (we are not associated with the actual brand in any way shape or form)


We here at The Fancy Tomboy's Blogspot have got our knickers in a twist over the energy drink GO GIRL...made for and marketed towards women and affeminate men alike...

From the moment I peeped it's radiant bubble gum pink encasing sitting on my male roomate's desk, no..no..let me start over....  From the moment I grasped the slender can in my girlie fist and drank the nectar of the gods (super citrimax...appetite suppressant extraordinaire)...  I knew I was hooked.  It's not so much the flavor (Go Girl GLOW even boasts the ability to improve skin texture!!!) as it is the immense satisfaction that I get... knowing that I'm walking around, in public drinking from an obnoxiously pink can called 'Go Girl'.  Also, I'd be lying if I said the drink didn't keep my feminine PH in balance.  

Please enjoy the beginnings of our ad campaign for the ridiculous product called.... Go Girl...

More to come...

Standby..

Michael Phelps AND Lil Wayne on SNL??? SWEET!

Not sure why.... but this is gonna be HI-larious.

See US Today article here for details.

Oh. Hi. I didn't see you there.

Today's Lesson: Sentence structure, vocabulary and location, location, location..

Which would you choose as your future?

"That Elisa girl...what was she thinking...she got sassy at the drive through window while ordering Popeyes chicken...and that bitch got stabbed"

or....


"Elisa is so hardened...and gangster... she straight up pounded a mother-fucker down at The Viper Room after he stabbed her for drinking straight out of the Courvousier bottle"

The real reason Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince will be released late

Just Hilarious... Brilliant to whomever wrote this...
via

Vampire Love....

Anne Rice who??

It's Sonic

via

Overheard at the Death Star: Are all dance parties gay? If it’s Disco Music.... then the answer is Yes

Not too much has happened today… Just the typical sounds and dialogue of the office… Which is what makes me truly embrace my job. And my co-workers.

I guess what I’m saying is…. I’m just going to think out loud for the next paragraph or two… if you are bored and don’t want to read it…I won’t be offended… but I doubt you have anything more worthwhile in your life at the moment if you are reading this clusterfuck of ideas in the first place.

We have this old computer that takes up space with us in music video…. It’s nice. It’s the guest computer, interns and PA’s use it when they stop by to say "HEY" or "Give me a fake run so I can go have sex with my significant other" or "Hey, Can I borrow $30 to buy illegal substances" or "If you order take-out food without me, I’m going to shit on your desk later… seriously…because if I eat lunch here on bbq Fridays..I can’t control where I shit". Like I said, it’s nice… Daft$tar and I appreciate it. But the thing is that the computer is possessed. It has these internal speakers are NOBODY can shut off…. So an innocent ’user’ will be browsing (and by browsing I mean stalking) a so-called ’friend’s’ myspace page when all of a sudden that person’s myspace profile song just starts BLASTING (don’t you HATE those profiles with automatic tunes!!!??).

What I’m getting at, is this happened today while Daft$tar was on a very important conference call. Pippin was checking out some girl (and by girl I mean guy) who "just won’t give him the time of day" when all of a sudden… bugles and trumpets and horns of all kinds start screeching at record level decibels…. Straight out of the mystery speakers. I believe the music was referred to as "Mazatlan Club Scene".

At this point in time I was on the verge of leaving a message for a freelance employee…. Who later informed me that " What the Fuck!?? It sounded like you were calling from Spring Break in Tijuana". I’m so unprofessional… Daft$tar, who doesn’t like bugles and trumpets…..ripped off his headset…. Stomped over to Pippin’s satanic computer station and started ripping cords out of the wall…while Pippin fought to scramble out of Daft$tar’s path of wrath.

And speaking of being unprofessional… I can’t help but wonder when I will receive my first sexual harassment subpoena. There is a particular employee who shall remain nameless…. But is referred to as ’walking sex’ especially as we are about to call him… I wonder to myself….how many times can I daydream about what it’s like to …..ermmm you know….. before I have a Freudian slip while leaving a message…

Fuck remaining nameless…. Let’s just call him "Walking Sex"

Oh and if this offends you…..please…. I haven’t even gotten to the character who shall be referred to as "Prison Fantasy"….

Overheard at the Death Star: Is there really any difference between an Almond Joy or a Mound?

*Please make yourself aware of the annotated bibliography at the bottom (Diana Hacker you can eat your heart out)


A friend of a friend came into work today and claimed to be dressed ’like a lesbian’. And to be quite honest, she was right.

I overheard her explaining her lesbian garb to the character known as "Federal Express or Fed Ex" anyhow her lesbian wear went a bit like this: vans sneakers without socks, denim shorts that retire just above the knee, and a t-shirt with unshaven legs to boot.

To which Federal Express replied "But you always look like a lesbian" (as he squinted to get a better look at her) 1

She gave him a look of disgust, which was quickly replaced by a look of loving kinship. 2

Fed Ex proceeded to share his profound southern logic with the frigid, new england originating, self-loathing synthetic lesbian....

"You look like the diva that you are….gettin’ whateva you want….You come into work one day….wantin’ one thing…. Come in the next day wantin’ somethin’ else… Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t"…

Fed Ex taught us all something that day….



Notes

1) Fed ex is partially blind. I think he has cateracs (sp?)
2) It is impossible to stay mad at people from Arkansas.

.....Sexy Guinness Ad.....umm GULP....

if by sexy you mean, a lackluster...hideously offensive threesome...or is it a foursome?

I can't wait until Feministing see's this shit.. or Bitch Magazine

(I couldn't resize the video window.... so it's taking up the entire page...My Bad..)






Sexy Guinness Ad - Watch more free videos

You Are.... A shy girl leaving on a jet plane

I wrote this after my last final at Emerson College in Boston, Massachusetts.  Within 3 days I would be leaving a good portion of my life behind to move to California.  Somehow, this transition was different from moving to Australia for University...

You are...

One-thousand sparkling lights on the skyline over the Charles River, a city where 20-something young professionals scramble to Houston's and Tia's On the Waterfront for after work drinks in hopes of finding a husband before all of their high school friends are already married, the BPL a place where the intellectual type, photography students and the homeless can coexist, a vomit drenched Green Line on Saint Patty's Day, Unreported but Graded Sexual Harassment at Underbar, spontaneous road trips to Merri Land... 'and they say he is only Magic on a Skateboard...'

You are...

a stiff tequila sunrise at Model along with The only Kool Cigarette, the cities most attractive men jam packed into one Elite Square (Harvard), an elusive red light district on the Lower Washington, pretentious college students arguing about Existentialism in Espresso Royale, a syringe studded alley behind the intersection of Tremont & Boylston, the young man who screams outside my window at 3am "OUCH! You bit my cock!", a dirty-ho at Sunset Cantina & Grill, the seals outside of The Aquarium at 4 Am, backstage-downstairs in the Middle East Club, the Dewars Lounge & Skybox at the Celtics vs. the Heat...

You are...

Hundreds of high school kids skipping school on a steamy June afternoon to drink '40s while cliff-jumping at Orange, beaver-fever, the junkie who mooned me, girls from Revere, getting lost in Chelsea at 3AM, spending 2 weeks of my life in a warehouse somewhere in South Boston, Brian at Shag!, my Film 1 on the Charles River Bridge, Sweetwater during Emerson's Senior Week, Halloween and cold, yet naked, standing in a never-ending line at Chacarero, drunk on Lansdowne before the game begins and waddling into Fenway with a bottle of Rum wedged in your skirt...

You are... 

wearing a black patent leather nurse costume in the back of an ambulance at Renneslaur Field in Connecticut while someone is retching on your shoes and the air around your brain is filling with smoke, a hipster sweatshop where 80% of the employees are sleeping together but work-related relationships are 'discouraged', Iffboston.org, American Repertory Theatre, the Berklee Film Scoring Kids, New Years' eve in the West Village of NYC, the Video Music Awards, treasure-hunting in Beacon Hill, T-Rex on the prowl, My Rooftop, The Three Little Piglets Forever til Death Do Us part (plus one baby), ambulence for one at 180 Tremont, thanks....a house show or two in Brawlston...an emotionless bangle-slinging hipster dancing to her own music... a street corner tuna slinger... You Are My City

You are.... much more than I could ever acknowledge or recognize with some stupid little piece of writing....

(My old 'hood in Beacon Hill!!)

Overheard at the Death Star: The Revival of Pippen

So I've noticed that this blog tends to revolve around the same few characters...

This is the reason why I have decided to give the beloved character Pippen a name for his gay alter-ego.  Because it is quite evident to me that he has one.  I shall christen him as 'Young Adult Perilous'.

Today was a ground-breaking dat for Young Adult Perilous.  Not only did he arrive in a shiny, happy, slithery coat remisiscent of Michael Jackson at the 2003 Humanitarian Awards:

But he happily declared to all of Music Video: "I am sooo down with the gaaayyyss!!"

Daft$tar was conveniently already reading the hot new blog "Stuff White People Like" and ooohh what do you know... The 88th thing that White People like is "Having Gay Friends".  Please read at your convenience.

Anyhow... Young Adult Perilous brought up some valid points.  He disagreed with "Stuff White People Like" in that he does not believe the blogs statement: "When a straight person goes to a gay nightclub, they are reminded of how progressive and tolerant they are." (Direct Quote)

He feels that 'straight' people go to West Hollywood because it is the "most hedonistic fucking party scene in LA".  To further pontificate his stance he explained "I mean... drive down Santa Monica Boulevard on any given night.. there is tequila and semen flying through the air and spilling out onto the streets."

What can I say?  The kids right.

And Young Adult Perilous... If you're reading this... just know that because of you, whenever I am approached by anything of the male species.  The Eternal buring question that I will ask myself is:  Is he hitting on me?  Or does he just wanna talk shows?

Overheard at the Death Star: This one is for you Fed Ex

This is not meant to offend anyone...  It is merely an observation of the 'DEATH STAR GRIND'

Federal Express or Fed Ex, our sweet African-American friend from Arkansas is...quite frankly... one lazy motherfucker.

Over the past few weeks he has been filling in as the parking lot attendant... causing a whole lot of uneccessary grief to the Death Star staffers.  For instance one night I went out to the parking lot... to find that my car had been stolen.  Oh..wait.. nope false alarm... it was just parked so far down the street and "accidentally" hidden behind a massive truck... Anyhow... I digress.

Basically Fed Ex is lazy.  

He stands at the bottom of the staircase and screams our names... so that the whole office can hear... all because he doesn't want to walk up the stairs.  But we love him anyways.  I do at least.

6 o'clock is slowly approaching... and all of a sudden I hear:

"LR!!"

"LLLLRRRRR!!!!"

Nobody answers... Accounting Duane cautiously whispers "Fed Ex is yelling your name LR."

Daft$tar promptly snaps: "We know, we're just ignoring him."

Accounting Duane decides at this moment to walk downstairs for his daily peanut-butter and banana shake... He approaches Fed Ex who is slowly lurking up the dreaded stairs.

Fed ex says:  "Is LR up there??"

Accounting Duane: "Yes she is Fed Ex"

(It should be mentioned that Accounting Duane and Corey have a history of aggression towards each other)

Fed Ex:  "Why isn't she answering me?"

Instead of a simple "She can't hear you"

Daft$tar yelps:  "Because she doesn't speak Ebonics"

Overheard at the Death Star: A work story

For the sake of others.. lets just refer to the participants of this conversation as: daft$star, LR and Pippen.  For the most part, daft$tar and LR mind their own business- naturally having occasional outbursts.... sometimes involving the IT guy, the well known office PA 'ahopelost', Skittles the Office Manager... or just simply playing their music too loud. 

One fine Monday, Pippen, the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed young chap made his daily stop at the Music Video Department to say 'Good Day' to daft$tar and LR.  It was on this very day that Pippen decided he wanted to discuss a very, very dark subject.  The subject of Erotic Asphyxiation.

The story goes a little bit like this: (Writing in parenthesis, suggests action)

Pippen: LR...LR... Why is it... that all women like to be choked.  They're all just DOWN for it.  Like I mean EVERY girl I've been with , totally digs it.  (After many claims of sexual conquests and suggestions hinting towards his sexual prowess...etc...etc)

Daft$tar: Well Pippen,  Maybe they all just thought that dying would be much better than having sex with you.  (This comment was made after a series of grimaces & eye contact with LR... done entirely without Pip even noticing).

(This comment elicits hysterical laughter from anyone within earshot.  Including Accounting Duane).

LR:  Well, I mean.. It really depends on If said male subject is good at what he's doing.  I was once with this guy Pablo who just wouldn't stop...and you know... it wasn't good... (is interrupted)

Pippen:  You dated a guy named Pablo?  Was that like a sex code name?  (daft$tar is now in stitches....a mixture of giggles and a sheer look of disgust has spread across his face...he DETESTS heterosexual banter)

LR:  I wouldn't call us dating (is interrupted again)

Pippen:  Wasn't Pablo the guy with AIDS on the real world?  (at this point daft$tar squeals with anger, frustration, angst, hatred...and is possibly a little bit turned on all at the same time)

Pippen:  What is he like gay jesus or something?

THE END