Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked
readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the
winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both
stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little
sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the Person
who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off
all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
12.
Decafalon (n.): The gruelling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider we
b.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for
common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n . An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men.
1 comment:
From the Empress of The Style Invitational:
Actually, there's no "Mensa Invitational." But The Washington Post does have a terrific weekly humor/wordplay contest called The Style Invitational, and most of the neologisms posted above were from two Style Invitational contests from 1998 (but not all: for example, "caterpillar" doesn't change to "caterpallor" by changing one letter, does it?).
Much better to see the real thing -- every week at www.washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational . The Style Invitational puts out a wide variety of humor and wordplay contributed by thousands of readers. It's published every Saturday in The Post's Style (features) section, and online every Friday afternoon at about 3:30 Eastern time.
This week's results were for a contest to write your own homonym or homophone -- a new word that is pronounced just like an existing word -- and define it.
Some of this week's winners (from Week 849, Jan. 23, 2010):
Ho-maid: The role of a traditional wife. (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)
Hi-deaf TV: Commercials. (Steve Offutt, Arlington, Va.)
S-Cargo: Snail Mail. (Don Hauptman, New York)
See dozens of others just like these at washingtonpost.com/style invitational. I hope you become regular readers and perhaps even regular contestants. Just follow the direction for each week’s new contest.
Best, The Empress
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